"When pain exceeds pain resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources"

No always the person that committed suicide doesn't mean that person really want to die.

97% of normal people has committed suicide
some is for just being silly as selfish and lassie with their lives...
Some people are totally blind on front of the situation
some people try to suicide only because break up with a stupid boy friend
others because did not coupe in loose someone special and just decided go together
some people just want to die for not have a job
Others for not have money…
There is so many things that people don't understand about life and just want end up it
for silly reasons and it is really disgraceful and selfish immature decision .
Not acceptable Hard to forgive and forget...

But the only way to set our heart free from hate is" FORGIVENESS".

Now check this out:
There are some people who really have the real problem...
Some people have being terribly abused,terribly terrified, terribly tortured through to their limits
Making anyone lost faith and the confidence in life.
Their lives became a day by day nightmare
nights of day dream full of flashback and pain...




Trauma lives inside, depression and sadness
And the hard thing to do is pretend that everything is ok to protect our children from the cruel truth.
And I have to stop running away .
we have to stop in somewhere some day
When we love some one more than anything else in this world,
We find way to face the problem face to face

And all the strength that you still have left is only there because you have so much love.
But the problem persisted and the fear grows...
The child grows and eventually you think
now things will be better because there was no little girl anymore...
She will understand me better and I will help her be stronger
she will help me... We will help each other
Hope for a better life
hope to stop to live afraid
Hope to finally be happy.

Everything goes wrong
The monsters from the passed still was attacking me from behind
I was more frustrate than ever
and the depression went deeper without control
The night mare came back
the days were long
and I lose any away...

I did not have my best friend
I did not have anyone in my side
I believed that God also gone
And I was completely alone.

But I insist to make things happen .
and I take the chance in my daugther 18 birthday.
I decide that I will give a beautiful party.
I want her to feel so special
And show her how much can I go to make her happy.

I failure
That party was wrong
I felt that nothing that I try to do was right.

I make a mistake like anyone could do the same
I drink so much coconut cocktail that was
Delicious and sweet and everything was so far ok.
Later after being abused with some quests

I decide to take the happy pill to feel firm and strong to manage go till the end.
The effect was bad
I became more sad
The pressure started attack my head
I tried to relieve the pain
Hang myself and nearly suicide.

TERRIBLE NO?

That is what happen with people
when they kept inside so much pain
not showing their feelings
trying to be strong when they are weak
not taking a professional help
Not living life the way
They should and deserve it.

But, all this was till nothing…
I still suffered more that ever
I still swimming in my tears
I regret lots of things that i did wrong
But I will not crucified myself forever
and not let anyone crucified me
I had suffered enough
Now I will run after my own dreams that is there waiting for me
some day in some where
And I will be free and happy again.

The world is crazy and nobody should judge nobody for their act about their life.

Jesus let himself die to salve the sins of the world.
So NO ONE SHOULD DARE judge me after everything that I have being through.
No one have no idea what is feeling dead and also be close to death brutally
From people that was just there paid to hurt me.

Cruelty and deception did not stop there.
Seams to be that I have no right
To be who I am.

and of course that i know very well what this scenario
Of suicide caused my child eyes, emotions and deception.
Till this day she did not knew that her mother was not stronger the way she though.
Things like that need lots of support and love
Exactly what I never had.